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damn, damn, damn
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Oh fuck. This is what happens when you get too bored at home. You spin around too much in your arm chair and try and see how far backwards it can possibly bend. It gives out this huge pop and never feels the same again.
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2:28 PM
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Singapore Budget 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
I don't like how they use the words "revenue forgone" like it's some sort of commendable sacrifice.
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1:25 PM
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Been sleeping well recently :)
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Exams are finally over. I can't find it in myself to be happy but at least I feel less stressed now.
Will be returning to Singapore in 5 days. By the time I come back to Japan, so many people would have left for good. I can only hope 6 weeks in Singapore would help me get used to not having them around anymore.
On a lighter note, going to Fukuoka and staying the night at a friend's. Then shopping tomorrow. It would be a nice break.
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1:13 PM
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Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Once in a while, reality comes and kicks me in the stomach. But otherwise, life's good.
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7:58 PM
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Friday, January 27, 2012
Recently I've been basing my decisions on mindless bets and such. I've people telling me that's stupid. But at this point of time, I'm too tired to make decisions anymore. I don't exactly trust myself too. Everything I've done recently can be either described as dumb or dumb.
It also doesn't help things much that no one around has been happy lately. Everything just looks so much bleaker.
Sometimes I can't help but wonder, if I feel this jaded at 21, how am I gonna make it past 30. But I might die at 37. No point over-thinking.
Oh well. Life is such. Full of sob stories.
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12:45 PM
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Friday, January 13, 2012
Yelling
If you are yelling and no one hears, then it suggests that you are being overlooked in some waking situation. You feel that your voice does not matter or that your opinion does not count.
Bridge
Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. If the bridge is over water, then it suggests that your transition will be an emotional one. Alternatively, the bridge may indicate that you are trying to "bridge" or connect two things together.
Cell Phone
To see or use a cell phone in your dream indicates that you are being receptive to new information. It also represents your mobility. Alternatively, the dream signifies lack of understanding. Perhaps you are having difficulties getting through to someone.
Source: dreammoods.comLabels: dream
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9:32 PM
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And in this train, there's no space for two
My mind has been in a somewhat disturbed state lately.
It feels like I'm standing in a rather empty train cabin with a few lonesome people seated here and there. All is quiet but the noise and crowd from the surrounding train cabins are threatening to spill over to our side while I'm trying to remember something very important.
Get what I mean?
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9:19 PM
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Three seconds of whine.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
I'm being such a horrible student here. Ok, well maybe not horrible. Average at worst. But I fucking hate getting average grades. It feels almost as miserable as having worms crawling all over me. Ughh. I need to get my momentum back.
In other news, I badly need an organiser. Not just any organiser but THE organiser. The one with a weekly schedule and the right amount of space for each day, the perfect width between lines, and preferably with a column for to-dos on the right. Black or a muted burst of colours. Feel so disoriented without one now. Le sigh.
Ok, shall stop sounding like a whiny prick and get back to accounting. Fish.
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5:31 PM
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Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Had a really long and horrible dream last night. I really need some fresh air. Bleh.
Bicycle
To dream that you are riding a bicycle signifies your desires to attain a balance in your life. You need to balance work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings. If you have difficulties riding the bicycle, then it suggests that you are experiencing anxieties about making it on your own.
Ants
To see ants in your dream signify your general dissatisfaction in your daily life. You are feeling neglected and insignificant. Or petty things will annoy you throughout the following day. The dream may also be a metaphor on feeling antsy or restless.
Beetle
To see a beetle in your dream indicates that some destructive influences may be at work in your waking life. You may also feel that your values and beliefs are being compromised. If you dream that beetles are crawling all over you, then it indicates that a lot of minor issues are bugging you.
Cat
To dream that a cat is biting you symbolizes the devouring female. Perhaps you are taking and taking without giving. You may be expressing some fear or frustration especially when something is not going as planned. If you dream that a cat is scratching you, then it suggests that you are feeling threatened.
Source: dreammoods.com Labels: dream
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5:45 PM
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It's killing me on the inside
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011 has been a very weird point of my life.
During the earlier part of the year, things were plagued with uncertainties. I have had graduated from poly for more than half a year, but I had no fixed job, no school, no idea of what to do at all. I was just working part-time as a tutor and retail assistant to support my Japanese studies, which at that point of time I had no clue as to the purpose of it. Until I decided to apply for a university in Japan. But before then, I was confused and worried all the time. I didn't know whether to continue with a media course or switch to a business one. Heck, I didn't even know if I should continue studying. Knowing my dilemma, my boss of my retail job offered me the opportunity to start my own business. I gave it very serious thoughts but decided I wasn't ready enough to start a business, neither was I brave enough to take the risk and plunge into an all new field with someone else's money.
Thankfully, I got admitted into a Japanese university and things got a bit more settled. September, I left. For the first time, I arrived alone at a foreign country with completely no one to rely on. At the start, expectedly, there were tough times, embarrassingly weak moments, and times whereby I just felt so utterly lost and couldn't find meaning in anything. These moments aren't completely over and I still get the urge to just break down and cry in the middle of nowhere. But nevertheless, I'm grateful I made the decision to come.
In many ways I'm still the same, yet somehow I know I've changed. For better or worse I can't say. But one thing for sure, I'm learning more about myself. And to quote something I've heard recently, "the more I see, the less I know."
There are things that I've done that I wouldn't ever be able to understand perfectly, much less explain to someone. Yet I feel the obligation to confess to certain people. I foresee being judged, and truth be told, I wouldn't blame them because I'm judging myself too. I'm not prepared at all. It pains and scares me to know that I'm gonna disappoint them and that they might start thinking differently of me. At the same time, I feel slightly relieved that I am emotionally developed enough to have had arrived at this point of a relationship whereby keeping truths away from these people would eat away at me and make me feel like I'm doing something betraying.
I also finally met someone I like. But life can be a bitch sometimes. Come February will be the time we part. Much as the cynic in me insists that nothing good will come out of it, a small part of me still hopes that something would happen. But stupid as it may seem, I choose to live with a "what if" then give up on my pride. I'm weak. I choose to leave earlier, just so I wouldn't feel like I'm the one being left behind. Because then, I would feel even more like everything was because I'm not good enough. Meh, fuck that. I'm all good now.
Saying goodbye's gonna be painful. And I know there'll be many more to come. But I just don't know how I'm going to survive every one and much as I don't want to, I get more and more hesitant.Carpe diem yo.
Edits: January 3 2012Labels: 2011
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11:59 PM
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Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tried my first cigarette today. Not bad at all.
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8:52 PM
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"I was twenty-one at the time, about to turn twenty-two. No prospect of graduating soon, and yet no reason to quit school. Caught in the most curiously depressing circumstances. For months I'd been stuck, unable to take one step in any new direction. The world kept moving on; I alone was at a standstill. In the autumn, everything took on a desolate cast, the colors swiftly fading before my eyes. The sunlight, the smell of the grass, the faintest patter of rain, everything got on my nerves.”
― Haruki Murakami, A Wild Sheep Chase
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1:03 AM
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Wednesday, December 28, 2011
I sometimes feel immune to my stupidity.
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7:31 PM
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21
I’ve got a few more days before the year ends. I feel like being reckless and doing some things. It’s stupid, but how long more can I stay stupid if time is so unsympathetic and I’m growing up so fast.
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4:32 PM
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Bitch please
Monday, December 26, 2011
Oh fuck you. You're a shame to our generation.
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8:22 PM
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